So, yesterday I went shopping for my wedding lingerie. Not the fun, cheesy, 80s, "come to mama" lingerie that you get to wear on your wedding night, oh no. I went shopping for those torture devices that you wear underneath your wedding gown. The ones that shove all of your imperfections into God knows where and makes you look less than human. Goodbye, flaws; hello, Spanx! Anyway, I tried on a girdle at Meijer. Who in the hell invented these things? Even Wikipedia doesn't know. Eff off, girdle. Well, I know where all of the bits go that the girdle squishes. It goes above and below the girdle! If you ever want to look like a pound of sausage stuffed into a 1/2 pound casing, this is the way to go.
Have you ever tried something on in the shop and actually laughed out loud in a crowded dressing room? Yeah. That was me last night. Laughing HYSTERICALLY. I put this girdle on, and then put some dress I found over it to check out the "smoothing effects" of said girdle. If "smooth" means "creating lumps beneath the breasts and stomach where there were none before," then this thing was successful.
On to Target, where they have some Spanx. Unlike girdles, I KNOW who invented Spanx. It was one Sara Blakely. I now know with whom to express my disbelief. I found this....thing. It's like a onesie for an adult. It goes all of the way up to the boobs and then down to the mid-thighs like shorts. It was a medium, but looked like about a size 18 months. Anyway, I put this thing on. Kind of. I think I did it right. Anyway, smoothing, yes. Breathing, no. Also, I couldn't get it off. Seriously, dudes. I'm in the Target dressing room, all "HAAAALP!! I'M STUCK IN A PAIR OF SPANX!" Other ladies and young girls are laughing at me. The Target employee, instead of helping me, called more Target employees to come witness the hilarity. As it is, I got stuck in the Spanx, and I had to wiggle myself out of them, and no one wants to deal with that on their wedding day.
Oh! Class is beginning!!!!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Jeeeeeeeeeez, Louise!
I wonder where that phrase came from. The Little Man has taken to saying it all of the time, and I'm muttering it to myself right now as I sit in the lovely Peabody Hotel in downtown Memphis, Tennessee, taking a break from massive homework overload and getting angry at people on the Internet.
Why am I angry, you ask? Check out this little gem on my local MomsLikeMe site.
"My 14yr old daughter has always been one to speak her mind but now is getting her in trouble at home because she being disrespectful to us. She blames me for pety things that arent even my fault like me forgetting to remind her that she wants a bag of chips at store because she forgot.I useually take her to school a little early so if her friends want to buy her breakfast she has time to do that,but now husband is laid off and says I cant do that anymore because we have to watch our gas since I work .....she got mad.This morning I was going to take her to school and get gas in car but when I felt how cold it was I didnt want to stand outside to pump gas so my husband took her to school and got gas in car.....well she sent me atext and said since I did not take her that her day is ruined.I will admit, she is spoiled rotten,the last born,but is it just me.....just her,or could she have a type of autism?Why I ask this is because there is autism on both sides of family." (sic)
Spoiled, ungrateful, parent-made brat. So, "could she have autism?" is clearly the correct direction to go. Is this REALLY what people think autistic humans act like? REALLY?! I'm flabbergasted.
I am going to have to look at something really cute to curtail the upset. Luckily, at this hotel, in about half an hour, I can go down into the lobby, and they will unroll a red carpet that leads from a large fountain in the lobby to the elevators. Then they will ring a bell, and a bunch of awesome ducks that live in the fountain will line up, walk down that red carpet, and climb into the elevator to go upstairs for lunch and a nap. Super cute.
Why am I angry, you ask? Check out this little gem on my local MomsLikeMe site.
"My 14yr old daughter has always been one to speak her mind but now is getting her in trouble at home because she being disrespectful to us. She blames me for pety things that arent even my fault like me forgetting to remind her that she wants a bag of chips at store because she forgot.I useually take her to school a little early so if her friends want to buy her breakfast she has time to do that,but now husband is laid off and says I cant do that anymore because we have to watch our gas since I work .....she got mad.This morning I was going to take her to school and get gas in car but when I felt how cold it was I didnt want to stand outside to pump gas so my husband took her to school and got gas in car.....well she sent me atext and said since I did not take her that her day is ruined.I will admit, she is spoiled rotten,the last born,but is it just me.....just her,or could she have a type of autism?Why I ask this is because there is autism on both sides of family." (sic)
Spoiled, ungrateful, parent-made brat. So, "could she have autism?" is clearly the correct direction to go. Is this REALLY what people think autistic humans act like? REALLY?! I'm flabbergasted.
I am going to have to look at something really cute to curtail the upset. Luckily, at this hotel, in about half an hour, I can go down into the lobby, and they will unroll a red carpet that leads from a large fountain in the lobby to the elevators. Then they will ring a bell, and a bunch of awesome ducks that live in the fountain will line up, walk down that red carpet, and climb into the elevator to go upstairs for lunch and a nap. Super cute.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
GIMME THOSE COUPONS!!!! McGyver style.
Listen, recycling Dumpster. I SEE those coupons in there, and I WILL have them!
So, I had to take the paper recycling today, and I threw it in there, and lo and behold, there are two new SmartSource booklets sitting right on top of someone's discarded Indy Star. Well, I want them. So, I open the top door and reach in to grab them, and I'm about an inch too short. So, I stand on my tippy toes and make myself REAL long. I still can't reach them. I WANT THOSE!! So, I have to go into McGyver mode. If I can open the Dumpster door all of the way, then I can just hike myself up and lean over and grab them. Sounds pretty easy. Except I'm not tall enough to open the door all of the way. I tried with all of my might to throw that lid open, and it just came down every time. Once I missed catching it, and it hit me in the noodle. That was enough trying for me. I just need to be a little bit taller! So, I went looking for something to stand on. My recycling basket is a thin wicker basket that I would have fallen through. There were several cardboard boxes that looked full of stuff in the bin, but I couldn't reach those, either. I had nothing sturdy or tall in my trunk, so standing on something was out. Then I thought, maybe I have some tweezers in my purse. All this time, this dude delivering Pepsi to the Kroger is in his truck, munching away on his sandwich and laughing hysterically at me. THANKS, BUDDY! COULD YOU GIVE US A HAND AND MAYBE JUST HOLD THE LID OPEN OR SOMETHIN?! Anyway, I didn't have any tweezers. Then, I decided if I could just prop the lid open high enough not to whack my noggin or my back on it, then I could hike myself up and grab them with a quickness. So I propped the lid up with my recycling basket and went for it.
I whacked both my noggin AND my back on the lid, knocking my recycling basket off the edge, and closing myself halfway in the bin, with my legs and butt dangling out. I am STILL about 1 cm from being able to reach the coupons, and now the Pepsi guy probably has his delicious cola beverage flying out of his nose from laughter. Yet, he still does not offer to help.
So, I decided to make some homemade extendo-arms and grab the coupons that way. I propped the lid back up with my basket, grabbed a book and my ice scraper from the car, leaned in there and grabbed the first coupon booklet with my extensions. SUCCESS! COUPON BOOKLET #1 IS MINE! MWWWWUUUUUAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!! VICTORY! So I leaned back in to grab the second booklet and get out of there with my dignity intact (aaaahahahaha). As it is, I dropped my ice scraper in the Dumpster, and when it hit the coupon booklet, they all slid down out of reach again, especially since my left Go-Go-Gadget arm had just fallen in. All hope was lost, dudes. And now I NEED that ice scraper. IT'S WINTER IN INDIANA! I had to call in reinforcements. Eric was on his way home from church, and I asked him to stop by the Kroger recycling bins, please. I needed assistance. I'd explain when he got there.
Eric showed up...all 6' many inches of him. He reached right in there and got my ice scraper AND the other coupon booklet, no problem. I explained the situation. He says he'll still marry me anyway.
So, I had to take the paper recycling today, and I threw it in there, and lo and behold, there are two new SmartSource booklets sitting right on top of someone's discarded Indy Star. Well, I want them. So, I open the top door and reach in to grab them, and I'm about an inch too short. So, I stand on my tippy toes and make myself REAL long. I still can't reach them. I WANT THOSE!! So, I have to go into McGyver mode. If I can open the Dumpster door all of the way, then I can just hike myself up and lean over and grab them. Sounds pretty easy. Except I'm not tall enough to open the door all of the way. I tried with all of my might to throw that lid open, and it just came down every time. Once I missed catching it, and it hit me in the noodle. That was enough trying for me. I just need to be a little bit taller! So, I went looking for something to stand on. My recycling basket is a thin wicker basket that I would have fallen through. There were several cardboard boxes that looked full of stuff in the bin, but I couldn't reach those, either. I had nothing sturdy or tall in my trunk, so standing on something was out. Then I thought, maybe I have some tweezers in my purse. All this time, this dude delivering Pepsi to the Kroger is in his truck, munching away on his sandwich and laughing hysterically at me. THANKS, BUDDY! COULD YOU GIVE US A HAND AND MAYBE JUST HOLD THE LID OPEN OR SOMETHIN?! Anyway, I didn't have any tweezers. Then, I decided if I could just prop the lid open high enough not to whack my noggin or my back on it, then I could hike myself up and grab them with a quickness. So I propped the lid up with my recycling basket and went for it.
I whacked both my noggin AND my back on the lid, knocking my recycling basket off the edge, and closing myself halfway in the bin, with my legs and butt dangling out. I am STILL about 1 cm from being able to reach the coupons, and now the Pepsi guy probably has his delicious cola beverage flying out of his nose from laughter. Yet, he still does not offer to help.
So, I decided to make some homemade extendo-arms and grab the coupons that way. I propped the lid back up with my basket, grabbed a book and my ice scraper from the car, leaned in there and grabbed the first coupon booklet with my extensions. SUCCESS! COUPON BOOKLET #1 IS MINE! MWWWWUUUUUAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!! VICTORY! So I leaned back in to grab the second booklet and get out of there with my dignity intact (aaaahahahaha). As it is, I dropped my ice scraper in the Dumpster, and when it hit the coupon booklet, they all slid down out of reach again, especially since my left Go-Go-Gadget arm had just fallen in. All hope was lost, dudes. And now I NEED that ice scraper. IT'S WINTER IN INDIANA! I had to call in reinforcements. Eric was on his way home from church, and I asked him to stop by the Kroger recycling bins, please. I needed assistance. I'd explain when he got there.
Eric showed up...all 6' many inches of him. He reached right in there and got my ice scraper AND the other coupon booklet, no problem. I explained the situation. He says he'll still marry me anyway.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Random stuff, school, couponing, funny stuff the kids say
I don't have too much on my mind tonight, just some little randoms.
First, when we were at the doctor's office today, Little Man and I were playing with some plastic dinosaurs while we waited for the nurse. I was saying "run, dinosaur!!!" to his dino, and he looked at me in all seriousness and goes, "Karen. No. *sigh* These are FAKE dinosaurs." You know, with the "duh, idiot" look on his face. All y'all parents know the one.
He and the Big Man have also been watching Eric play Halo on the Xbox, and so now they take their Omagles and make guns out of them and play "the shooting game". They are all the time in there yelling "Slayer!" and "GAAAAME over". Hilarious. I don't really like them playing gun games, though. I don't like the implied violence. Mostly, though, I hate the "pppsth, pppsssth" sounds they make the guns have. It sounds too much like spitting and makes me want to vomit up my ralphy chunks and other slang terms for vomiting.
Little Man and I have had a really great couple of days together since the Big Man went back to school. He got a new little girlfriend at school, and he's been showing off for her with good behavior. I was the last parent to pick him up on Tuesday, and she wouldn't let her mom leave until I got there so that they could walk out together. They were comparing the temporary tattoos they had gotten today and giggling. Little Man's little dimples as he shyly says, "byyyyyyye, Annika" was so cute. He's been super duper helpful, too, vacuuming the floor and listening. I haven't had to put him in time out in a few days, with the exception of a small one Tuesday morning that he came right down from because he did what I asked right away. It's been so nice. I've found when he isn't listening that I've been calmer, as well, and when I don't flip out, he's less likely to go into full meltdown mode and earn his famous, screaming for 90 minutes time outs. We've done a lot of watching Handy Manny and playing outside in the cold for 5 minutes so that we can get good and freezing and enjoy 30 minutes of hot chocolate time to warm up. It's just been so wonderful.
Also, my school starts Tuesday. I've got all of my textbooks, and I'm ready to go and totally excited. Three of my five classes have silly-buses posted already, so I've already started on quite a bit of reading. Taking a small break from it now, actually. At the moment, I'm reading something that isn't required called "The Political Science Student Writer's Manual". I just finished "Writing a Research Paper in Political Science," and I think I'm going to be well prepared for the papers I'm about to start writing. This semester marks my very first 300-level PolySci class, and my first honest-to-goodness research project on Middle Eastern Politics. I am infinitely excited about this. I also have an Intro to International Relations class, which is a 200-level PolySci core class. It has parts of a full research project, but not a full one like I expected, so it is a bit of a relief to know that I'm only putting one foot in the water instead of jumping in head first and trying to do two large projects in one semester. My three online classes are Personal Health, which is a gimme class with not many assignments but a large amount of reading, Intro to Human Geography, which is rather interesting, as I've already read the first couple of units. I like learning about my consumption and carbon footprint. And my third class is a prereq for my Master's in Library Science, and I am SO EXCITED TO BE A SENIOR!! It's a simple computer technology class specifically for libraries. Technically called Computer-Based Information Tools. I think I get to learn how to use library databases and the like. Very helpful in conjunction with a research-based class like Middle Eastern Politics. It's gonna be a wonderful semester, even though I no longer have my 4.0.
Speaking of that. I had to regroup and find a new goal. My new goal is to not drop below a 3.8, and the reasoning is simple. In order to be accepted into the master's program for library sciences at IU, you have to have a high GRE score, UNLESS, you have a higher than 3.8 GPA. If you've gotta 3.8, you don't have to take the GRE, and that seems like a reasonable goal. A 4.0 in political science at a major university is, actually, a rather unreasonable goal, though it's a bit of an embarrassment that a Children's Lit class took me out of the running. Well, I took myself out. I got too ambitious with a paper that I knew I only had a week to write, and I turned in something that I knew was crap. A 3.8 GPA is definitely more reasonable. Plus, if I don't have to take the GRE, I save money, and we all know I love saving money!
Speaking of, COUPONS! I've been inundated with questions about my couponing from here, IndyMoms and FB. I'm thinking about getting together at an IHOP or something one day and having a workshop and asking Alisha Ferguson to help me, since she's the reason I coupon and use Swagbucks now, and she has loads more experience than me. Maybe sit down and have a little Q&A session and do some practice shopping. Hit up a place with free WiFi and bring a bunch of laptops and make a little game out of deal finding. That may help me make some more friends, too, and if I'm talking about stuff I know a little bit about, then maybe my Asperger's won't get too much in the way. It's when I have to do small talk that's the problem and I become inappropriate. Most of the women that would go know about my Aspie status anyway, and they'd probably cut me some slack. I don't mean to offend people or hurt their feelings.
As for the folks that can't meet up with us because they're too far away, I could put some couponing hints here in my blog or on FB for y'all. The first step is to get a hefty stash of coupons and pick one store to begin using them in. Subscribe to the largest Sunday paper in your city, and check out the coupons every Sunday. If they are for good stuff you will use, then head out to Dollar Tree and pick up a few more papers. Make sure to check that the coupons are in the papers before you buy them. I clip everything, and not just the stuff I'm gonna use. I clip it for trading purposes, though I haven't done a successful online trade, yet. Once you have a good stash of coupons built up, you are good to go. They will need to be organized however you wanna do it. I have a binder, and they are all alphabetized by brand name in plastic baseball card sheets. My binder has pockets in the front and back. I put coupons I'm going to use for a specific trip in the front and coupons that are too large to fit in my baseball sheets in the back. Some people use zipper pouches and tab them for category. I may switch to that method soon. I can't remember all of the brand names for some products. You can get more coupons by dumpster diving, too, if you aren't scared of the looks. For pete's sake, though, have some dignity. Wear gloves or something. And go into the recycling dumpster, not the nasty food dumpster. Mondays and Tuesdays I've found are the best days for this. People throw their Sunday papers in there, coupons and all. Also, you can write directly to the manufacturer's of your favorite brands and tell them how much you dig their stuff, and they will send you free coupons. There are online trades at places like We Use Coupons, and you can trade coupons you don't want for coupons you do. You can also buy coupons on eBay or use clipping services. There's a list of them on the same website. There's also a really great coupon database there that you can search. If the product has a coupon out, it will be on the list, and it will tell you where to get it. Lots of coupons can be printed right off the net. If you need a bunch of printable coupons, go to the library to print them so you don't waste a ton of ink and because most of them only allow you to print 2 from your computer, but the library has a bunch of different computers that you can get two each off of.
Anyway, that's my first coupon tip. Get loads and loads of coupons.
I'm gonna try my first New Year's Resolution trip at Meijer tomorrow morning after dropping the Little Man off at school. If all goes well, I'll be getting a month's supply of food for our family of 4 for around $52. I didn't add the tax up because here in Indy, some food has tax and some doesn't, so I have no clue what is gonna be taxed. I also hit up a Kmart sale today and got 26 lbs of meat for $26, and I got a little bit of the month's stockpile during the trip from Hell that I last wrote about for $32. All in all, that should come up to around $110 to feed a family of four for an entire month. That's a nice chunk of savings from the $400 we used to spend. Hopefully it works out, and I won't have to shop again until February.
First, when we were at the doctor's office today, Little Man and I were playing with some plastic dinosaurs while we waited for the nurse. I was saying "run, dinosaur!!!" to his dino, and he looked at me in all seriousness and goes, "Karen. No. *sigh* These are FAKE dinosaurs." You know, with the "duh, idiot" look on his face. All y'all parents know the one.
He and the Big Man have also been watching Eric play Halo on the Xbox, and so now they take their Omagles and make guns out of them and play "the shooting game". They are all the time in there yelling "Slayer!" and "GAAAAME over". Hilarious. I don't really like them playing gun games, though. I don't like the implied violence. Mostly, though, I hate the "pppsth, pppsssth" sounds they make the guns have. It sounds too much like spitting and makes me want to vomit up my ralphy chunks and other slang terms for vomiting.
Little Man and I have had a really great couple of days together since the Big Man went back to school. He got a new little girlfriend at school, and he's been showing off for her with good behavior. I was the last parent to pick him up on Tuesday, and she wouldn't let her mom leave until I got there so that they could walk out together. They were comparing the temporary tattoos they had gotten today and giggling. Little Man's little dimples as he shyly says, "byyyyyyye, Annika" was so cute. He's been super duper helpful, too, vacuuming the floor and listening. I haven't had to put him in time out in a few days, with the exception of a small one Tuesday morning that he came right down from because he did what I asked right away. It's been so nice. I've found when he isn't listening that I've been calmer, as well, and when I don't flip out, he's less likely to go into full meltdown mode and earn his famous, screaming for 90 minutes time outs. We've done a lot of watching Handy Manny and playing outside in the cold for 5 minutes so that we can get good and freezing and enjoy 30 minutes of hot chocolate time to warm up. It's just been so wonderful.
Also, my school starts Tuesday. I've got all of my textbooks, and I'm ready to go and totally excited. Three of my five classes have silly-buses posted already, so I've already started on quite a bit of reading. Taking a small break from it now, actually. At the moment, I'm reading something that isn't required called "The Political Science Student Writer's Manual". I just finished "Writing a Research Paper in Political Science," and I think I'm going to be well prepared for the papers I'm about to start writing. This semester marks my very first 300-level PolySci class, and my first honest-to-goodness research project on Middle Eastern Politics. I am infinitely excited about this. I also have an Intro to International Relations class, which is a 200-level PolySci core class. It has parts of a full research project, but not a full one like I expected, so it is a bit of a relief to know that I'm only putting one foot in the water instead of jumping in head first and trying to do two large projects in one semester. My three online classes are Personal Health, which is a gimme class with not many assignments but a large amount of reading, Intro to Human Geography, which is rather interesting, as I've already read the first couple of units. I like learning about my consumption and carbon footprint. And my third class is a prereq for my Master's in Library Science, and I am SO EXCITED TO BE A SENIOR!! It's a simple computer technology class specifically for libraries. Technically called Computer-Based Information Tools. I think I get to learn how to use library databases and the like. Very helpful in conjunction with a research-based class like Middle Eastern Politics. It's gonna be a wonderful semester, even though I no longer have my 4.0.
Speaking of that. I had to regroup and find a new goal. My new goal is to not drop below a 3.8, and the reasoning is simple. In order to be accepted into the master's program for library sciences at IU, you have to have a high GRE score, UNLESS, you have a higher than 3.8 GPA. If you've gotta 3.8, you don't have to take the GRE, and that seems like a reasonable goal. A 4.0 in political science at a major university is, actually, a rather unreasonable goal, though it's a bit of an embarrassment that a Children's Lit class took me out of the running. Well, I took myself out. I got too ambitious with a paper that I knew I only had a week to write, and I turned in something that I knew was crap. A 3.8 GPA is definitely more reasonable. Plus, if I don't have to take the GRE, I save money, and we all know I love saving money!
Speaking of, COUPONS! I've been inundated with questions about my couponing from here, IndyMoms and FB. I'm thinking about getting together at an IHOP or something one day and having a workshop and asking Alisha Ferguson to help me, since she's the reason I coupon and use Swagbucks now, and she has loads more experience than me. Maybe sit down and have a little Q&A session and do some practice shopping. Hit up a place with free WiFi and bring a bunch of laptops and make a little game out of deal finding. That may help me make some more friends, too, and if I'm talking about stuff I know a little bit about, then maybe my Asperger's won't get too much in the way. It's when I have to do small talk that's the problem and I become inappropriate. Most of the women that would go know about my Aspie status anyway, and they'd probably cut me some slack. I don't mean to offend people or hurt their feelings.
As for the folks that can't meet up with us because they're too far away, I could put some couponing hints here in my blog or on FB for y'all. The first step is to get a hefty stash of coupons and pick one store to begin using them in. Subscribe to the largest Sunday paper in your city, and check out the coupons every Sunday. If they are for good stuff you will use, then head out to Dollar Tree and pick up a few more papers. Make sure to check that the coupons are in the papers before you buy them. I clip everything, and not just the stuff I'm gonna use. I clip it for trading purposes, though I haven't done a successful online trade, yet. Once you have a good stash of coupons built up, you are good to go. They will need to be organized however you wanna do it. I have a binder, and they are all alphabetized by brand name in plastic baseball card sheets. My binder has pockets in the front and back. I put coupons I'm going to use for a specific trip in the front and coupons that are too large to fit in my baseball sheets in the back. Some people use zipper pouches and tab them for category. I may switch to that method soon. I can't remember all of the brand names for some products. You can get more coupons by dumpster diving, too, if you aren't scared of the looks. For pete's sake, though, have some dignity. Wear gloves or something. And go into the recycling dumpster, not the nasty food dumpster. Mondays and Tuesdays I've found are the best days for this. People throw their Sunday papers in there, coupons and all. Also, you can write directly to the manufacturer's of your favorite brands and tell them how much you dig their stuff, and they will send you free coupons. There are online trades at places like We Use Coupons, and you can trade coupons you don't want for coupons you do. You can also buy coupons on eBay or use clipping services. There's a list of them on the same website. There's also a really great coupon database there that you can search. If the product has a coupon out, it will be on the list, and it will tell you where to get it. Lots of coupons can be printed right off the net. If you need a bunch of printable coupons, go to the library to print them so you don't waste a ton of ink and because most of them only allow you to print 2 from your computer, but the library has a bunch of different computers that you can get two each off of.
Anyway, that's my first coupon tip. Get loads and loads of coupons.
I'm gonna try my first New Year's Resolution trip at Meijer tomorrow morning after dropping the Little Man off at school. If all goes well, I'll be getting a month's supply of food for our family of 4 for around $52. I didn't add the tax up because here in Indy, some food has tax and some doesn't, so I have no clue what is gonna be taxed. I also hit up a Kmart sale today and got 26 lbs of meat for $26, and I got a little bit of the month's stockpile during the trip from Hell that I last wrote about for $32. All in all, that should come up to around $110 to feed a family of four for an entire month. That's a nice chunk of savings from the $400 we used to spend. Hopefully it works out, and I won't have to shop again until February.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
My first big couponing shopping trip...a huge failure and a huge success all at the same time
How's THAT for an extremely long title. So, my New Year's resolution is to cut our grocery bill by 60%. I started couponing a couple of months ago and got it to where I save around 40% a trip, sometimes 50%, but I want it a little higher. I also want to go on one big trip a month instead of going once a week. So, I decided to start that today. It takes a little more planning, and since this was my first time planning this way, it took HOURS. First, I ran outside in my robe and slippers in the cold to get my Sunday paper and clipped all of the coupons. Then I went to Dollar General to buy 3 more Sunday papers, but instead of going there, I had to take the paper recycling first since the first coupon clipping extravaGANza filled up our paper basket. While taking the recycling, I spotted some coupons in the recycle dumpster, so I snagged those, too. Since I got those, I only bought one extra paper instead of three. Woot, +1, win, and all of that other slang that means that that rocks.
So, hours of clipping (Eric helped some when my hands hurt), and then I perused the new Meijer ad, noticing that Yoplait was on sale 10 for 5 bucks and that they had a few things 10 for 10 bucks with the 11th free. Now, I don't normally shop until Thursdays, because my matchup blog, Bargains to Bounty, is in Detroit, and their sales ads are a few days ahead of ours. Their sales start Sunday, but ours don't start until Thursday. I find it convenient because that means I can get the matchups on Sunday to begin making Thursday's list. As it is, it's been a couple of Thursdays since I've shopped because of the holidays, and I got all outta routine and turned around. I clipped my coupons, alphabetized and organized and placed them in my binder, and then went to BTB to check out the matchups. What I saw there had me goin all nutso. There was my Yoplait sale and the 10/10 with the 11th free stuff. WTF! So, I checked my Meijer ad, and sho' nuff, it says that sale ends on the 5th (Wednesday), so I made my list, which was massive, since I would like for this to be my ONE shopping trip of the month. It took a really long time. Hours, really, to get it all done. And I haven't even gotten to the level of comparison shopping, yet. Right now, I shop Meijer exclusively, but as I get better and more organized, I'd like to be able to compare Kroger and also Dollar General, since I didn't even know until today that they accepted coupons. Not only do they take manufacturer coupons, but they also take internet printables, AND they allow you to stack DG coupons with manuf. coupons. They also have this crazy policy that if the coupon doesn't say "one coupon per transaction", you can use as many as you want, which is a policy I've not heard anyone allow before. Like, if you buy a can of soup for a dollar, and you have 2 manuf. coupons for .50 off a can of soup, you can use both and get the soup for free. Nuts. Anyway, as soon as DG goes into my rotation, they're SO goin down. Not that the store will mind. They make money on manuf. coupons. The manuf. reimburses them plus 3 pennies a piece for shipping.
I got off track. So, my list, it was enormous. More enormouser than any list I've ever made, and I decided that since I was somehow a week behind and confused with my sales for the holidays, I better head to Meijer at 9 p.m. and get this trip done sans children when the store is relatively empty so that I can deal with the Uscan without anyone behind me. I was all excited. Too excited, really. I forgot to put on my coat. Girlfriend was cold. Dudes, it is 15 degrees out there. Anyway, I gotta front row spot, grabbed my 20 reusable bags and my list and my binder and shivered my way on into the quiet, serene, empty Meijer. I shimmied my way over to my totally free Colgate to find...*GASP*...this is NOT on sale! This Colgate, it was supposed to be FREE. It was supposed to be on sale for 1 dollar, and then I have .50 off coupon that will double to 1 dollar, and *poof* free toothpaste! I have several coupons! DEAR MEIJER: GIRLFRIEND WAS STOCKING UP! HAVE A SALE, YEAH?
So, I got a little frustrated, but I put my not-free toothpaste back on the shelf, removed my Colgate coupons from the "use for this trip" section of the binder and placed them in the "C" (for Colgate, if you don't follow) section. I moved on to the batteries. They had one set of these stupid rare A123 sized batteries for freaking TEN DOLLARS left in the damn store. So, I'm all upset that they cost so much, even though I have a coupon for a dollar off. They're for the smoke detector that comes with our security system at home. That flippin dick kitchen can't just take a couple of .50 AA's like a normal smoke detector? Sheesh. That bubblehead is gonna drive up my average!
Anyway, we need the detector working to sell the house, so I bought the ultra-rare, in mint condition, new in box A123 batteries. Short, fat, effers.
So I moved on to the yogurt. YAY! SALE IN FULL EFFECT! I bought 34 of them. There were slim pickins. I hope the kids like mint chocolate grasshopper flavored yogurt. Kidding, of course, though they did get a lot of lemon *gag*. Then I moved on to something else that I can't remember in the yogurt aisle that was SUPPOSED to be 10 for 10, and it WASN'T. I was all flustered. So, I didn't get that, either, and then I had to mark it off the list, and then subtract the amount of them that I was buying from the total number of 10 for 10s that I was buying and readjust my 10 for 10s because I had exactly 66 items on the 10 for 10 with the 11th free list. I made sure that my 10 for 10 was in a multiple of 11 to make sure I got 6 items free. Blah, this knocked me down to 60 items, so I had to remove another 5 items to bump it down to 55. Hassle, and the beginning of TOTAL ASPIE MELTDOWN 2011. It's only 2 days in to the year, people! TAM 2011 didn't take long to get here.
The next two 10 for 10s were fine, but then the next, like 10, weren't. I felt like I was gonna explode in the store. Good thing no one else was there. I was seconds away from sweeping all of the pickles off a bottom shelf and curling up there to rock myself into a tizzy. HOURS of work, and none if it was worth a damn. My neat and beautiful list was now full of red pen and stars and WTFs, and I'm in need of an autism intervention.
I decided to intervene myself, and herein lies the huge success of the operation. That kind of meltdown is not something that I can stop, not easily anyway. Usually, I just go into the bathroom and let it happen, cry, throw things, shake around and rock on the floor, whatever I need to do to let it out. This time, though, I made a solid decision. I had to be a little weird, but hey, the store was empty. I went over to the Glade candle aisle and just opened a few jars of vanilla candle and stimmed my sense of smell a bit to calm down. Then I calmly rewrote my list and figured out what happened. What happened was that a few of the items that are on sale this week were also on sale last week, the yogurt and a few of the 10/10 items. I saw that in the ad and thought I was missing the sale I needed. In reality, those items, plus the rest of the big sale that I matched for will start Thursday, just like always. I wasn't a week behind. The ad confused me because it had a rolling sale happening for a couple of weeks in a row. When I go on Thursday, everything on my list will match. So, I made the decision to not purchase any of the 10/10 items today, even the stuff that was on sale, and just get it all on Thursday. That way my 66 items are still intact and I won't have to rework that list. I also will wait until Thursday to get the other sale items that weren't on sale yet, but I decided to enjoy the quiet Meijer at now 10 p.m. and get the yogurt since it was already on sale and those blasted batteries, since they are ultra rare, and I'd have to go to eBay surely if I did not purchase them straight away, and a few other items that weren't going to be on sale Thursday, but we needed them anyway and I had coupons for them that were expiring today.
I cleaned up my little vanilla haven and went on my way with a new plan. Let me reiterate. I have NEVER been able to change a plan on a dime like that. Never. Especially not with as much work as I put into it. I am giddy enough about it that I can't sleep.
Anyway, much to my surprise, some of my necessities were on sale THIS week! I got my toilet paper for less than planned and also my dishwashing soap. Good times!
As it is, my first transaction was 28 yogurts, and it had a 45% savings. I could only do 28 of the 34 because I had 5 coupons for it, 3 for .40 off six and 2 for .50 off 8. Meijer only doubles the first two like coupons, so if I would have done all 34, that last .40 off six would not have doubled. Plus, I wanted a separate yogurt transaction because Yoplait is a Catalina right now. If you buy 20 of them, you get a 2 dollar off your next order coupon, and I wanted to use that on the rest of my stuff. So I used 4 of my yogurt coupons, plus a $1 off my order coupon that I got last month for a Catalina, which brought my savings up pretty well.
Then I rang up the rest of my order, and minus the batteries, which aren't staples, my food/toiletries bill was 32 dollars with a savings of 20 dollars, which is about a 40% savings. Normal for me. For that I got 34 Yoplait, 6 double rolls of Angel Soft, 6 bags of lunch meat, dishwashing liquid, 2 gallons of milk, 4 Kraft mac and cheese (no funny shapes), 2 Campbell's Chunky soups and 2 bags of cereal.
On Thursday, I will finish my large trip, and my cost estimate there is 53 dollars, and all of that (the 53 plus the 32 I spent today, so 85 bucks), should last our family of four an entire month. When I met Eric, his grocery bill was 100 a week, or 400 a month. I'm taking him from 400 a month to around 100 a month when it comes down to it. We don't have a large freezer, so I am still going to have to go to the store to get meats and probably one more gallon of milk. I buy the large bags of chicken when Meijer puts them on sale for 6.99. I get however many will fit in our tiny freezer at the time.
As it is, that's 75% savings for us since I moved in if I can pull this off! HOLY CRAP! This is what happens when I don't have a job! We'll see what happens when school starts next week. See if I can keep it up.
Stay tuned! Don't touch that dial!
So, hours of clipping (Eric helped some when my hands hurt), and then I perused the new Meijer ad, noticing that Yoplait was on sale 10 for 5 bucks and that they had a few things 10 for 10 bucks with the 11th free. Now, I don't normally shop until Thursdays, because my matchup blog, Bargains to Bounty, is in Detroit, and their sales ads are a few days ahead of ours. Their sales start Sunday, but ours don't start until Thursday. I find it convenient because that means I can get the matchups on Sunday to begin making Thursday's list. As it is, it's been a couple of Thursdays since I've shopped because of the holidays, and I got all outta routine and turned around. I clipped my coupons, alphabetized and organized and placed them in my binder, and then went to BTB to check out the matchups. What I saw there had me goin all nutso. There was my Yoplait sale and the 10/10 with the 11th free stuff. WTF! So, I checked my Meijer ad, and sho' nuff, it says that sale ends on the 5th (Wednesday), so I made my list, which was massive, since I would like for this to be my ONE shopping trip of the month. It took a really long time. Hours, really, to get it all done. And I haven't even gotten to the level of comparison shopping, yet. Right now, I shop Meijer exclusively, but as I get better and more organized, I'd like to be able to compare Kroger and also Dollar General, since I didn't even know until today that they accepted coupons. Not only do they take manufacturer coupons, but they also take internet printables, AND they allow you to stack DG coupons with manuf. coupons. They also have this crazy policy that if the coupon doesn't say "one coupon per transaction", you can use as many as you want, which is a policy I've not heard anyone allow before. Like, if you buy a can of soup for a dollar, and you have 2 manuf. coupons for .50 off a can of soup, you can use both and get the soup for free. Nuts. Anyway, as soon as DG goes into my rotation, they're SO goin down. Not that the store will mind. They make money on manuf. coupons. The manuf. reimburses them plus 3 pennies a piece for shipping.
I got off track. So, my list, it was enormous. More enormouser than any list I've ever made, and I decided that since I was somehow a week behind and confused with my sales for the holidays, I better head to Meijer at 9 p.m. and get this trip done sans children when the store is relatively empty so that I can deal with the Uscan without anyone behind me. I was all excited. Too excited, really. I forgot to put on my coat. Girlfriend was cold. Dudes, it is 15 degrees out there. Anyway, I gotta front row spot, grabbed my 20 reusable bags and my list and my binder and shivered my way on into the quiet, serene, empty Meijer. I shimmied my way over to my totally free Colgate to find...*GASP*...this is NOT on sale! This Colgate, it was supposed to be FREE. It was supposed to be on sale for 1 dollar, and then I have .50 off coupon that will double to 1 dollar, and *poof* free toothpaste! I have several coupons! DEAR MEIJER: GIRLFRIEND WAS STOCKING UP! HAVE A SALE, YEAH?
So, I got a little frustrated, but I put my not-free toothpaste back on the shelf, removed my Colgate coupons from the "use for this trip" section of the binder and placed them in the "C" (for Colgate, if you don't follow) section. I moved on to the batteries. They had one set of these stupid rare A123 sized batteries for freaking TEN DOLLARS left in the damn store. So, I'm all upset that they cost so much, even though I have a coupon for a dollar off. They're for the smoke detector that comes with our security system at home. That flippin dick kitchen can't just take a couple of .50 AA's like a normal smoke detector? Sheesh. That bubblehead is gonna drive up my average!
Anyway, we need the detector working to sell the house, so I bought the ultra-rare, in mint condition, new in box A123 batteries. Short, fat, effers.
So I moved on to the yogurt. YAY! SALE IN FULL EFFECT! I bought 34 of them. There were slim pickins. I hope the kids like mint chocolate grasshopper flavored yogurt. Kidding, of course, though they did get a lot of lemon *gag*. Then I moved on to something else that I can't remember in the yogurt aisle that was SUPPOSED to be 10 for 10, and it WASN'T. I was all flustered. So, I didn't get that, either, and then I had to mark it off the list, and then subtract the amount of them that I was buying from the total number of 10 for 10s that I was buying and readjust my 10 for 10s because I had exactly 66 items on the 10 for 10 with the 11th free list. I made sure that my 10 for 10 was in a multiple of 11 to make sure I got 6 items free. Blah, this knocked me down to 60 items, so I had to remove another 5 items to bump it down to 55. Hassle, and the beginning of TOTAL ASPIE MELTDOWN 2011. It's only 2 days in to the year, people! TAM 2011 didn't take long to get here.
The next two 10 for 10s were fine, but then the next, like 10, weren't. I felt like I was gonna explode in the store. Good thing no one else was there. I was seconds away from sweeping all of the pickles off a bottom shelf and curling up there to rock myself into a tizzy. HOURS of work, and none if it was worth a damn. My neat and beautiful list was now full of red pen and stars and WTFs, and I'm in need of an autism intervention.
I decided to intervene myself, and herein lies the huge success of the operation. That kind of meltdown is not something that I can stop, not easily anyway. Usually, I just go into the bathroom and let it happen, cry, throw things, shake around and rock on the floor, whatever I need to do to let it out. This time, though, I made a solid decision. I had to be a little weird, but hey, the store was empty. I went over to the Glade candle aisle and just opened a few jars of vanilla candle and stimmed my sense of smell a bit to calm down. Then I calmly rewrote my list and figured out what happened. What happened was that a few of the items that are on sale this week were also on sale last week, the yogurt and a few of the 10/10 items. I saw that in the ad and thought I was missing the sale I needed. In reality, those items, plus the rest of the big sale that I matched for will start Thursday, just like always. I wasn't a week behind. The ad confused me because it had a rolling sale happening for a couple of weeks in a row. When I go on Thursday, everything on my list will match. So, I made the decision to not purchase any of the 10/10 items today, even the stuff that was on sale, and just get it all on Thursday. That way my 66 items are still intact and I won't have to rework that list. I also will wait until Thursday to get the other sale items that weren't on sale yet, but I decided to enjoy the quiet Meijer at now 10 p.m. and get the yogurt since it was already on sale and those blasted batteries, since they are ultra rare, and I'd have to go to eBay surely if I did not purchase them straight away, and a few other items that weren't going to be on sale Thursday, but we needed them anyway and I had coupons for them that were expiring today.
I cleaned up my little vanilla haven and went on my way with a new plan. Let me reiterate. I have NEVER been able to change a plan on a dime like that. Never. Especially not with as much work as I put into it. I am giddy enough about it that I can't sleep.
Anyway, much to my surprise, some of my necessities were on sale THIS week! I got my toilet paper for less than planned and also my dishwashing soap. Good times!
As it is, my first transaction was 28 yogurts, and it had a 45% savings. I could only do 28 of the 34 because I had 5 coupons for it, 3 for .40 off six and 2 for .50 off 8. Meijer only doubles the first two like coupons, so if I would have done all 34, that last .40 off six would not have doubled. Plus, I wanted a separate yogurt transaction because Yoplait is a Catalina right now. If you buy 20 of them, you get a 2 dollar off your next order coupon, and I wanted to use that on the rest of my stuff. So I used 4 of my yogurt coupons, plus a $1 off my order coupon that I got last month for a Catalina, which brought my savings up pretty well.
Then I rang up the rest of my order, and minus the batteries, which aren't staples, my food/toiletries bill was 32 dollars with a savings of 20 dollars, which is about a 40% savings. Normal for me. For that I got 34 Yoplait, 6 double rolls of Angel Soft, 6 bags of lunch meat, dishwashing liquid, 2 gallons of milk, 4 Kraft mac and cheese (no funny shapes), 2 Campbell's Chunky soups and 2 bags of cereal.
On Thursday, I will finish my large trip, and my cost estimate there is 53 dollars, and all of that (the 53 plus the 32 I spent today, so 85 bucks), should last our family of four an entire month. When I met Eric, his grocery bill was 100 a week, or 400 a month. I'm taking him from 400 a month to around 100 a month when it comes down to it. We don't have a large freezer, so I am still going to have to go to the store to get meats and probably one more gallon of milk. I buy the large bags of chicken when Meijer puts them on sale for 6.99. I get however many will fit in our tiny freezer at the time.
As it is, that's 75% savings for us since I moved in if I can pull this off! HOLY CRAP! This is what happens when I don't have a job! We'll see what happens when school starts next week. See if I can keep it up.
Stay tuned! Don't touch that dial!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
This and That
So, I think we've decided against the house with chickens. I went and jinxed it. I KNEW it! We went back on Thursday to check some stuff out and bring the little dudes to show them where their rooms would be and make sure that the Big Man would be comfortable having the upper level loft all to himself. We also needed to measure some walls to make sure that our furniture would fit and check out some of the outside things like siding and maintenance, etc. Well, it didn't go so well. For us, not for the kids. The dudes LOVED the house. Big Man saw where his room would be and almost passed out from total excitement. They also went down in the basement and just ran and ran and ran and shrieked and screamed and shrieked some more. Herein is where our problems began. We could hear them. Loudly. From any corner of the house. I shut the basement door and went all the way into the master. Still.shrieking.drill bit in my ear, high-pitched, holy crap how can you possibly get your voice to that many decibels, shrieking. The house has carpet only in three small rooms. The rest is this beauuuuutiful tile, and then the master has a gorgeous wood floor. All of this plus the cathedral ceilings and you have your very own amphitheater for all shrieking all the time. It just echoed and amplified throughout the house, and then when they came upstairs and commenced to screaming....Lord, please give me the strength not to duct tape these childrens' mouths shut. Not that they were doing anything wrong, because they weren't. That was the purpose of bringing them to the house, to see if they would be excited or just kinda meh about the whole thing. The amphitheater was just a bonus. We also found that the taxes and utilities were insanely high, and also the cedar siding was very high-maintenance and only half painted on one side of the house. There's also an immense cookie-cutter neighborhood in the back yard, and there's only a very sparse tree line between us and the neighborhood with no fence. Those houses seriously eff up your view for your morning coffee.
As it is, the noise was the deal breaker. I'm not quite sure how to explain my feelings about noise. It's one of the most difficult aspects of being a parent with Asperger's. Children, as many of you know, are extremely loud beings. They have two volumes: 120 and sleeping. Most parents have anxiety or need a break when their little ones are crying or throwing a massive fit, and I get that that's normal. However, I tend to break down or meltdown myself with any sort of noise, even their happy sounds. The laughter and shrieking of fun play. I can't describe what it does to my head, not in words that really convey the feeling. It's physical pain, like a drill bit in my head. That's the best description I've found anyway. For a lot of autists, there are sensory disorder symptoms, and I am the same. I am unsure if sound, smell and taste are actually amplified for me or if I hear, sniff and taste the same as everyone else, and it just pushes different nerves or are connected to my emotions in some other way. As it is, my emotions are highly connected to my senses, much more than they are to actions. Taste stimulants, like cilantro, can cause something that can only be described as euphoria, but other such tastes or, I guess, more food textures, can cause actual rage. Macaroni in funny shapes for instance, or if I try to eat a few of my "staple" food items and they are not prepared exactly how I need them prepared. Sometimes the noises of hilarity and cuteitude in my house do the same thing. Rage. My training helped me combat it quite effectively with a few deep breathing exercises and some suggestions for sensory stimulants, which actually help a lot. My highest sense is my sense of smell. So, when we are home and the noise starts to get to me, I will light five or six candles and just breathe in scents that make me happy. That usually works. It's harder when we are in the car. Car rides amplify noise like you would not believe. He's on my siiiiiiiiiiiiideeeeee. Gimme that baaaaaaaaaaaack. Etc., etc., ad nauseum. I have to do the breathing exercises then, and they just plain don't work as well as the candles. Air fresheners tend to be too strong for me, though, and can cause a rage feeling. I just haven't found one that I like. Vanilla my patooty. Vanilla Ass Ass Baby, I say, as far as car air fresheners go. Then we have Little Man's fits....well, still working on that. I think I need to try prayer. Right now, how it usually goes is that I go into it calm and telling myself that I'm not going to let this normal 4-year-old behavior get to me, and by the end of it, I'm screaming and throwing a bigger fit than he is, and then we're both miserable for about an hour or so until we get over it. Next time he has one (tomorrow, likely, since we'll be home with his big brother, and he'll need to show off his defiance), I'm just gonna get down to his level and start praying quietly. He won't be able to hear me, since he'll be screaming his danged noodle off, but it should help calm me down. Better than just breathing in with the good air, out with the bad air. Perhaps he'll be curious as to what I'm saying long enough to stop screaming. Perhaps he'll not punch me in the face once I kneel down on the floor.
Anyway, so the house isn't going to work out. It's a bummer for another reason. The kids REALLY loved it. Big Man was more excited about that loft bedroom than I'd ever seen him before. It's going to be a big letdown for them. It also reminds me of something cruel I once said to my father when I was a teenager. I didn't think it was cruel at the time. I just didn't understand what I was saying. I was very unhappy in the school that I was attending at the time, and we had been several times to a model home to ask about building a house in a different school district. I remember being awed by all of the floorplans and pictures of models on the walls there and the promise of helping pick carpet colors and paint colors, etc. (My suggestions were not used, BTW, and good thing, they would have never been able to sell that house with my appalling interior decorating skills.) Anyway, because we went to see it so many times, I assumed that we were going to have this house built and that we were moving. One day, as we were leaving after my parents were asking the builder more questions, they told us that we would not be able to afford the house. Out of my mouth came the most ungrateful words ever uttered by me, "Well, you just set us up for disappointment with this one." Clearly I did not understand the amount of money, time, effort and planning that went into the purchase of a new home. All I knew was that we had seen this amazing place to live, and we weren't getting to live there. I know now, of course, how ungrateful and cruel it was. I think about it often and have over the last few years, and I regret it every time I think about it. I was just an ignorant teenager. Instead of my dad telling me off, though, as he was often quiet toward us, he found a way to buy that house. As I think about it as an adult, I am completely disgusted with myself. I bullied my father into giving me what I wanted by throwing a hissy fit, and what I wanted wasn't something stupid like 20 bucks to go to the movies. It was a major financial decision, and although I don't know what my parents' financial situation was at that time, I'm sure heavy sacrifices were made to purchase that house.
As it is, as awful as I feel about my awful remark as a teenager, I can't help but feel that we are going to let the Big Man down big time. I should have known better at age 15, but he is only 6. He is not yet past the stage where the world does not revolve around him. He loved that room, and now we are going to take it away from him. It feels kinda crappy. Almost like forcing my readers to go through 300 pages of my ramblings every time I decide to write a blog.
As it is, the noise was the deal breaker. I'm not quite sure how to explain my feelings about noise. It's one of the most difficult aspects of being a parent with Asperger's. Children, as many of you know, are extremely loud beings. They have two volumes: 120 and sleeping. Most parents have anxiety or need a break when their little ones are crying or throwing a massive fit, and I get that that's normal. However, I tend to break down or meltdown myself with any sort of noise, even their happy sounds. The laughter and shrieking of fun play. I can't describe what it does to my head, not in words that really convey the feeling. It's physical pain, like a drill bit in my head. That's the best description I've found anyway. For a lot of autists, there are sensory disorder symptoms, and I am the same. I am unsure if sound, smell and taste are actually amplified for me or if I hear, sniff and taste the same as everyone else, and it just pushes different nerves or are connected to my emotions in some other way. As it is, my emotions are highly connected to my senses, much more than they are to actions. Taste stimulants, like cilantro, can cause something that can only be described as euphoria, but other such tastes or, I guess, more food textures, can cause actual rage. Macaroni in funny shapes for instance, or if I try to eat a few of my "staple" food items and they are not prepared exactly how I need them prepared. Sometimes the noises of hilarity and cuteitude in my house do the same thing. Rage. My training helped me combat it quite effectively with a few deep breathing exercises and some suggestions for sensory stimulants, which actually help a lot. My highest sense is my sense of smell. So, when we are home and the noise starts to get to me, I will light five or six candles and just breathe in scents that make me happy. That usually works. It's harder when we are in the car. Car rides amplify noise like you would not believe. He's on my siiiiiiiiiiiiideeeeee. Gimme that baaaaaaaaaaaack. Etc., etc., ad nauseum. I have to do the breathing exercises then, and they just plain don't work as well as the candles. Air fresheners tend to be too strong for me, though, and can cause a rage feeling. I just haven't found one that I like. Vanilla my patooty. Vanilla Ass Ass Baby, I say, as far as car air fresheners go. Then we have Little Man's fits....well, still working on that. I think I need to try prayer. Right now, how it usually goes is that I go into it calm and telling myself that I'm not going to let this normal 4-year-old behavior get to me, and by the end of it, I'm screaming and throwing a bigger fit than he is, and then we're both miserable for about an hour or so until we get over it. Next time he has one (tomorrow, likely, since we'll be home with his big brother, and he'll need to show off his defiance), I'm just gonna get down to his level and start praying quietly. He won't be able to hear me, since he'll be screaming his danged noodle off, but it should help calm me down. Better than just breathing in with the good air, out with the bad air. Perhaps he'll be curious as to what I'm saying long enough to stop screaming. Perhaps he'll not punch me in the face once I kneel down on the floor.
Anyway, so the house isn't going to work out. It's a bummer for another reason. The kids REALLY loved it. Big Man was more excited about that loft bedroom than I'd ever seen him before. It's going to be a big letdown for them. It also reminds me of something cruel I once said to my father when I was a teenager. I didn't think it was cruel at the time. I just didn't understand what I was saying. I was very unhappy in the school that I was attending at the time, and we had been several times to a model home to ask about building a house in a different school district. I remember being awed by all of the floorplans and pictures of models on the walls there and the promise of helping pick carpet colors and paint colors, etc. (My suggestions were not used, BTW, and good thing, they would have never been able to sell that house with my appalling interior decorating skills.) Anyway, because we went to see it so many times, I assumed that we were going to have this house built and that we were moving. One day, as we were leaving after my parents were asking the builder more questions, they told us that we would not be able to afford the house. Out of my mouth came the most ungrateful words ever uttered by me, "Well, you just set us up for disappointment with this one." Clearly I did not understand the amount of money, time, effort and planning that went into the purchase of a new home. All I knew was that we had seen this amazing place to live, and we weren't getting to live there. I know now, of course, how ungrateful and cruel it was. I think about it often and have over the last few years, and I regret it every time I think about it. I was just an ignorant teenager. Instead of my dad telling me off, though, as he was often quiet toward us, he found a way to buy that house. As I think about it as an adult, I am completely disgusted with myself. I bullied my father into giving me what I wanted by throwing a hissy fit, and what I wanted wasn't something stupid like 20 bucks to go to the movies. It was a major financial decision, and although I don't know what my parents' financial situation was at that time, I'm sure heavy sacrifices were made to purchase that house.
As it is, as awful as I feel about my awful remark as a teenager, I can't help but feel that we are going to let the Big Man down big time. I should have known better at age 15, but he is only 6. He is not yet past the stage where the world does not revolve around him. He loved that room, and now we are going to take it away from him. It feels kinda crappy. Almost like forcing my readers to go through 300 pages of my ramblings every time I decide to write a blog.
Monday, December 20, 2010
A house! With chickens!!
Ok, so I know I haven't posted about this before, but NOW IS THE TIME! I didn't want to jinx it, or whatever.
So, we have a lot going on over here in casa della Karen. School, kids, kids' schools, wedding, etc. Well, we also want to move. Yes. Move. While planning a wedding, taking care of two young kids and going to school and work full time.
We want a bigger house. We're all on top of one another here, and I have no space of my own, which is a definite problem for me. Sometimes, girlfriend needs a time out. Also, the kids share a room here, and they drive one another bananacakes. It's all the time with the fighting. We wake up around 7:15 EVERY morning to "NOOO!!! GIVE IT BAAAAAACK!!!" *shrriiiiiiieeeeeeeeeek* Plus, they have a hard time sleeping at night. Their little room with their brother plus a buttload of toys is just too tempting for them. They HAVE to get up and play or tease one another. We need a place where they each have their own room, plus a playroom for all of their toys. A playroom in the basement or at the opposite end of the house from my "quiet zone". Plus, Eric needs a home office, and we need a basement for food storage. We want to be mostly self-sustainable, which means we need land for gardening and space for canning/storage, etc. Plus, I require a large bathtub or a bathroom that can be remodeled to fit a large bathtub. And we need a garage.
So, it's a tall order. A large house, at least 4 BRs plus den/office/bonus room plus basement, with at least a 2-car garage, a large master bath that can fit a garden tub if'n it doesn't have one already, and acreage to farm enough for a family of four, partly wooded lot pretty necessary, and in seclusion for the most part. Good schools a plus, though I am willing to supplement education at home if need be.
We've been searching for a while, but with no real urgency. We want to make sure we buy exactly what we want. We plan on this new place being our permanent residence. Where we live now is a starter home bought by Eric and his first wife, and we are past the "starter" stage. As it is, a few weeks ago something happened that upped our urgency a bit. I have a hard time feeling secure here. I just plain don't like our neighborhood. There are always droves of teens wandering around at night, plus my car got broken into in the driveway a few months after Eric and I met. I don't like taking the kids to the playground because there's always nasty trash all over or awful graffiti that I don't want them reading. Anyway, we got a note in our mailbox from a neighbor saying that he'd been beaten in his own home as a gang initiation. Two young kids (he said between 13 and 15) rang his doorbell. He thought they were selling candy or something for charity. He answered the door, and they beat him senseless in his entry way while a gang of teenagers waited in a getaway car. They didn't rob him, just beat him and took off. This was in the court behind our house. I now feel very afraid in my own home and haven't slept well since. I check windows and doors over and over, and I keep getting up in the middle of the night and going out in the living room and just watching outside. The kids are on the opposite sides of the house than we are right now, and I have a recurring nightmare that we can't get to them in time if something happens, an intruder or a fire, etc. I want a house where their bedrooms are near ours.
We got our preapproval taken care of and have basically just been visiting homes online. The last two weeks, we actually got in touch with our realtor (Molly Hadley with FC Tucker, awesomesauce, highly recommend, etc. etc. ad nauseum). She's been very patient, seeing as we are on the far east side, and we are looking at homes on the far west/northwest sides of town. Driving us all over western Indiana to search for our dream home. I think we found it on Saturday. The place is on 2.8 acres and already has its own fenced-in garden and CHICKEN COOP! We get to have chickens! Fresh eggs!!! There's enough land that maybe I can get a goat, too. Fresh milk!! The land has loads of trees and is back off of the main road. There's 4 bedrooms, the master and Little Man's bedrooms are right next to one another, and the Big Man's is in a loft nearby, close enough to get to an intruder before an intruder gets to him. The fourth bedroom would be the playroom and is on the opposite end of the house than the master, for shrieky daytime activities, and it is big enough to put our older sectional sofa, plus a little table, plus their TV stand and DVD player/Nintendo, etc. and all of their toys, and the playroom has it's own attached bathroom. There's a gorgeous sunroom that would be our office with an amazing view of the trees and large back yard from behind our desks. The kitchen and laundry rooms are both enormous with TONS of storage and the exact appliances come with the house that we would have purchased. There's also a little courtyard in the middle of the house where Milo would be safe to go outside without getting lost or attacked since he is the clawless wonder (as an aside, he has his head in the toilet right now taking a nice thirst-quenching drink. Gross.) The place has a 2-car garage with a loft above it for storage, and the garage has a large workshop for our "projects" haha. It's heated and has air conditioning, too. Now, the really, really cool part, is the basement. These folks are ON IT. They are into food storage, too, and they have already done a ton of the basement leg work for us. They have built in shelves EVERYWHERE down there, AND there's a honest-to-goodness storm shelter.
So...PICTURES!
The back deck and back yard.
Front of the house. Those amazing windows are amazing.
Garage/workshop, garden, CHICKENS!!
The Little Man's room. Right next to ours in this pretty gray color.
Do I even need to say how amazing this kitchen is? Windows! Light!!
The Big Man's room! He'll be getting my queen-sized bed. Such a grown-up!
Sunroom/office. My desk would be where that table is, and Eric's in front of the other window so we can look at the beautiousness while working. Plus the wireless would reach onto the deck if we wanna work outside in the summer/spring. Behind the wall from which the photo is taken are French doors that lead to the master.
Playroom of awesomeness.
Great room with stairs to Big Man's room and huge fireplace, exposed beam ceiling.
Master bedroom retreat. Gooorgeous! Check out that view!
We're gonna go look at it one more time with kids in tow to see if they feel comfortable and to measure some walls, etc. to make sure our furniture will fit, and if it all works out, we'll make an offer! I'm so excited!!!!
So, we have a lot going on over here in casa della Karen. School, kids, kids' schools, wedding, etc. Well, we also want to move. Yes. Move. While planning a wedding, taking care of two young kids and going to school and work full time.
We want a bigger house. We're all on top of one another here, and I have no space of my own, which is a definite problem for me. Sometimes, girlfriend needs a time out. Also, the kids share a room here, and they drive one another bananacakes. It's all the time with the fighting. We wake up around 7:15 EVERY morning to "NOOO!!! GIVE IT BAAAAAACK!!!" *shrriiiiiiieeeeeeeeeek* Plus, they have a hard time sleeping at night. Their little room with their brother plus a buttload of toys is just too tempting for them. They HAVE to get up and play or tease one another. We need a place where they each have their own room, plus a playroom for all of their toys. A playroom in the basement or at the opposite end of the house from my "quiet zone". Plus, Eric needs a home office, and we need a basement for food storage. We want to be mostly self-sustainable, which means we need land for gardening and space for canning/storage, etc. Plus, I require a large bathtub or a bathroom that can be remodeled to fit a large bathtub. And we need a garage.
So, it's a tall order. A large house, at least 4 BRs plus den/office/bonus room plus basement, with at least a 2-car garage, a large master bath that can fit a garden tub if'n it doesn't have one already, and acreage to farm enough for a family of four, partly wooded lot pretty necessary, and in seclusion for the most part. Good schools a plus, though I am willing to supplement education at home if need be.
We've been searching for a while, but with no real urgency. We want to make sure we buy exactly what we want. We plan on this new place being our permanent residence. Where we live now is a starter home bought by Eric and his first wife, and we are past the "starter" stage. As it is, a few weeks ago something happened that upped our urgency a bit. I have a hard time feeling secure here. I just plain don't like our neighborhood. There are always droves of teens wandering around at night, plus my car got broken into in the driveway a few months after Eric and I met. I don't like taking the kids to the playground because there's always nasty trash all over or awful graffiti that I don't want them reading. Anyway, we got a note in our mailbox from a neighbor saying that he'd been beaten in his own home as a gang initiation. Two young kids (he said between 13 and 15) rang his doorbell. He thought they were selling candy or something for charity. He answered the door, and they beat him senseless in his entry way while a gang of teenagers waited in a getaway car. They didn't rob him, just beat him and took off. This was in the court behind our house. I now feel very afraid in my own home and haven't slept well since. I check windows and doors over and over, and I keep getting up in the middle of the night and going out in the living room and just watching outside. The kids are on the opposite sides of the house than we are right now, and I have a recurring nightmare that we can't get to them in time if something happens, an intruder or a fire, etc. I want a house where their bedrooms are near ours.
We got our preapproval taken care of and have basically just been visiting homes online. The last two weeks, we actually got in touch with our realtor (Molly Hadley with FC Tucker, awesomesauce, highly recommend, etc. etc. ad nauseum). She's been very patient, seeing as we are on the far east side, and we are looking at homes on the far west/northwest sides of town. Driving us all over western Indiana to search for our dream home. I think we found it on Saturday. The place is on 2.8 acres and already has its own fenced-in garden and CHICKEN COOP! We get to have chickens! Fresh eggs!!! There's enough land that maybe I can get a goat, too. Fresh milk!! The land has loads of trees and is back off of the main road. There's 4 bedrooms, the master and Little Man's bedrooms are right next to one another, and the Big Man's is in a loft nearby, close enough to get to an intruder before an intruder gets to him. The fourth bedroom would be the playroom and is on the opposite end of the house than the master, for shrieky daytime activities, and it is big enough to put our older sectional sofa, plus a little table, plus their TV stand and DVD player/Nintendo, etc. and all of their toys, and the playroom has it's own attached bathroom. There's a gorgeous sunroom that would be our office with an amazing view of the trees and large back yard from behind our desks. The kitchen and laundry rooms are both enormous with TONS of storage and the exact appliances come with the house that we would have purchased. There's also a little courtyard in the middle of the house where Milo would be safe to go outside without getting lost or attacked since he is the clawless wonder (as an aside, he has his head in the toilet right now taking a nice thirst-quenching drink. Gross.) The place has a 2-car garage with a loft above it for storage, and the garage has a large workshop for our "projects" haha. It's heated and has air conditioning, too. Now, the really, really cool part, is the basement. These folks are ON IT. They are into food storage, too, and they have already done a ton of the basement leg work for us. They have built in shelves EVERYWHERE down there, AND there's a honest-to-goodness storm shelter.
So...PICTURES!
Master bedroom retreat. Gooorgeous! Check out that view!
We're gonna go look at it one more time with kids in tow to see if they feel comfortable and to measure some walls, etc. to make sure our furniture will fit, and if it all works out, we'll make an offer! I'm so excited!!!!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Fashiony McFashion
Look, I don't usually go all ga-ga for purses. I love other accessories, hats and shoes namely, but purses, I don't know. I can't see spending 500 bucks on a designer purse. Purses are DIRTY, y'all. They go on hooks in public bathrooms (never on the floor, have some dignity), nasty sinks, in restaurants, sat in the Diet Coke spilled in your car, etc. etc. ad nauseum. They are full of make up and snotty Kleenex and hair from your brush and just overall nastiness. Therefore, 500 bucks? No, thanks. Twenty at the local Kohls will be just fine.
That said, OMGDudes. Mizzzzz Donatella Versace just unveiled THIS little gem. (Thank you Tom and Lorenzo, once again, for my UTD fashion needs).
I totally love it to the max. Also, everything in Diane von Furstenberg's pre-fall 2011. Especially this.
These outfits themselves I'm not too keen on, but I really love the hats.
That said, OMGDudes. Mizzzzz Donatella Versace just unveiled THIS little gem. (Thank you Tom and Lorenzo, once again, for my UTD fashion needs).
I totally love it to the max. Also, everything in Diane von Furstenberg's pre-fall 2011. Especially this.
These outfits themselves I'm not too keen on, but I really love the hats.
Friday, December 10, 2010
It's 5 a.m. My past is full of nonsense.
Eric had some sort of coughing tantrum about an hour and a half ago, and I've been up since. The kids will be awake in T-minus 2.46 hours, and I'm sure the mood I'm going to be in could tame a wild bobcat. Or maybe I am the bobcat. As it is, I have things to do tomorrow, so being awake right now isn't the best idea, but even with the melatonin I took, I can't stop working my brain. I'm sure this blog will be scatterbrained. It's 5 a.m., people.
3:30 a.m. Hackey hack akimbo over there gets up to go to the bathroom and sneeze and cough at 539 decibels behind the bathroom door instead of the 537 dB that it was when he was in the bed. I suggested cough medicine. He went back to sleep instead. I began pondering the Chanel pre-fall collection that Tom and Lorenzo just posted. I am wondering how Chanel could put out a collection where I wouldn't wear a single piece. Tragedy on flight 3:30 a.m.
3:45 a.m. Chanel! I mean, it's not as shocking as say, Versace had done it, but still. It's close. I should definitely be sleeping instead of thinking about clothes.
4:00 a.m. Oh, dear, the stress of school has hit my noodle. There's no way in Hades I'm going back to sleep now. I have a project due on Tuesday that I'm just in the beginning research stages of. Six pages of paper and a 15-minute presentation. I just figured out my topic (women and tattoos) 2 days ago. I have 4 days to do this and do it properly. Arg! I wonder if 4 days is long enough to build myself a super-intelligent clone robot instead. What time is it?
4:05 a.m. While I'm asking other women about the significance of their tattoos, I begin to think of the significance of my own, which brings back all sorts of painful memories.
4:10 a.m. Five minutes of my past going through my head, and tears begin to fall. How could I have been so stupid? *Interjection at 5:17 a.m. A child has just awoken. Awesome.* Anyway, blubbing away about my past, trying not to sniffle and wake up pneumonia-McGee.
5:00 a.m. After an hour of suffering in bed, I think I better get up and write it out before my heart explodes onto the bed, and subsequently the cat. Guess who'd have to clean up THAT mess in the morning? My first tattoo was the cover of ICP's Carnival of Carnage CD on my lower back when I was barely 18 years old. It symbolizes the beginning of nearly a decade of extremely poor decision making that nearly destroyed my life. I'd been making poor decisions in regard to my choice of partners since I started dating at 15, but with the freedom that came with being an adult, those choices escalated to astronomically terrible proportions. With less than a handful of exceptions, it was abuse after abuse after abuse, and it was abuse I didn't even see. (Almost) no one was hitting me, so I wasn't living a Lifetime Original Movie, so I didn't classify it as abuse. There were three that did commit violence, and I walked away from those relationships immediately after one instance, thinking to myself, "Take that, Lifetime. I'm not stayin to be abused. I am a strong, intelligent woman. I KNOW what abuse is, and there's no excuse to throw a boot at my head and get away with it." All the while taking verbal and emotional abuse from man after man and not even recognizing what was happening. These men cheated, lied, stole from me, called me names that I hadn't earned, monitored my every move, listened to my phone calls, gave me the third degree if I was at the grocery store longer than they anticipated that I should be, threw away all of my makeup, took my money to pay their bills while I worked 2, 3 or even 4 jobs at a time as they did nothing, broke nearly all of my possessions, hacked into my e-mail and went through my text messages, and one threw a shot glass (missed me, sucker) hard enough to shatter through two panes of glass and destroy the sliding glass door to the balcony. That was one cold Philadelphia winter.
The longest term of these men was the worst. Four years on and off of abuse and accusations. I was making poor life decisions in other areas as well, working in an industry that no one should ever be subjected to, and because of those decisions, he had the ammunition to tear me down. At this time in my life, I truly believed that I deserved to be tracked like an animal, questioned by every move I made (You're wearing Chapstick! Who are you trying to impress? This isn't the bread you normally buy! Who were you with at the grocery store? You were clearly distracted!). Girlfriend, that bread was on SALE, and since I was the only one payin for food in that house...you can see where this is going. I had to pick up a third job so that I could afford the name brand items. Anyway, at the time, I felt my past (and present at that particular point) justified this treatment. The insults were deserved, and he was right, I wasn't ever going to find anyone better, no one else was going to want me, not with my past. Even when I tried to remedy them, he had me convinced that they would haunt me forever (and he may be right about that). He had me convinced that *I* was the problem in our relationship, and I needed therapy.
So, I went to therapy. They didn't pick up on the autism. They shoved antidepressants down my throat (how about advising me to leave this jackwagon?), and then anti-anxiety pills, and then sleep aids for the insomnia that the anti-whatsits caused. It wasn't long before I was addicted to the sleeping pills. Anything to get me away from the verbal and emotional barrage of insults that I was receiving whenever this man was in my presence. Soon I was mixing alcohol with Nyquil, Remeron, Lunesta, Unisom and anything the doc or the shelf at Kroger could throw at me.
As it is, I finally left this guy in Tennessee and moved back home to Indy. As I was deciding to come off all of the pills, I met and began dating a very nice and wonderful man (cheers, Matt), that I wasn't ready for. I didn't wanna mess up a good thing, so I dropped my pills cold turkey, and then proceeded to royally mess up a good thing. On our second or third date, we'd gone to see a movie and had a great time and gone back to his house to chat around the kitchen table. I began to experience withdrawals sitting there. I got very sick and very confused, and I didn't know where I was. He and his mother were coworkers of mine at a job I hadn't been at for very long, in an office full of chatty, gossipy women (save for Matt), and I was having a drug withdrawal meltdown in their kitchen. Matt, of course, had no idea what was going on, as my sleeping pill addiction wasn't exactly something that I was forthcoming about upon our meeting or our first date. To him, I'm sure it looked as though I was on some sort of hard substance. Sniffing glue or something. He had to drive me home. I tried to jump out of the moving vehicle on 465. I think I thought we had reached our destination. It was one of the single most embarrassing moments of my life. After a few days of hard withdrawal (that ain't pretty. I didn't even know that my insides could BE that color.) I explained the situation to Matt, and he actually still chose to date me. Good guy, what did I tell ya? I messed it up anyway. I was still too broken from my previous situation and had it in my head that I was inferior. This man was way too good for me, and he always would be, so I left him. And I went back to Tennessee to endure another year of emotional barrage from Douchebag Supreme.
There was a night, someone's birthday party. I wasn't invited because "My friends don't like you" (they had met me once, briefly, as I was coming in from one job to get ready to go to another as they were playing a game in our living room). Anyway, DB Supreme went out and got trashed enough that his friends had to call me to come get him on their way back from some club. He had them stop the car so he could vomit and refused to get back in. The police were there when I arrived (at 4 a.m. on a work day), as he was desecrating some property with several bodily fluids, and I assured them that I would take him home and put him to bed and he wouldn't be any more trouble. He made a liar out of me. At the entrance to the apartment building, as I was punching in the gate code, he jumped out of the car and ran into the bushes and laid down there and tried to sleep. I had to drag him back to the car (where he promptly vomited in my brand new Yaris). When we got home, I put him into bed, got him a bucket and some water, and was promptly kicked out of the room and forced to sleep on the couch because "you aren't allowed to see me like this." Eff you, too, buddy, so I went downstairs. One thing led to another, and it ended with him throwing a steel-toed boot at my head. His aim was bad, and he missed, but I was all (in my head) "OMG abuse! I'm being abused! Get out! Lifetime says I'm stupid if I stay! I don't wanna be stupid!"
I did leave, and I never looked back, and I'm glad the act of violence occurred. Had it not, I would likely still be there, not recognizing all of the other behavior as abusive and still feeling as though I deserved everything he was dishing out. I moved back home for good, and I'd like to say my problems ended there, but they didn't. I was, after all, still broken, and at this point, still undiagnosed with the REAL problem. That story, however, is for another day. There is a happy ending, clearly, as all of this nonsense ends with Hacky McHackerson in there, the love of my life.
6:08 a.m. I've been typing a long time. I don't think I can sleep, though, still. I think I'll go make the Big Man's lunch for the day and get my to-do list made. Perhaps outline that research paper before the kids get up.
3:30 a.m. Hackey hack akimbo over there gets up to go to the bathroom and sneeze and cough at 539 decibels behind the bathroom door instead of the 537 dB that it was when he was in the bed. I suggested cough medicine. He went back to sleep instead. I began pondering the Chanel pre-fall collection that Tom and Lorenzo just posted. I am wondering how Chanel could put out a collection where I wouldn't wear a single piece. Tragedy on flight 3:30 a.m.
3:45 a.m. Chanel! I mean, it's not as shocking as say, Versace had done it, but still. It's close. I should definitely be sleeping instead of thinking about clothes.
4:00 a.m. Oh, dear, the stress of school has hit my noodle. There's no way in Hades I'm going back to sleep now. I have a project due on Tuesday that I'm just in the beginning research stages of. Six pages of paper and a 15-minute presentation. I just figured out my topic (women and tattoos) 2 days ago. I have 4 days to do this and do it properly. Arg! I wonder if 4 days is long enough to build myself a super-intelligent clone robot instead. What time is it?
4:05 a.m. While I'm asking other women about the significance of their tattoos, I begin to think of the significance of my own, which brings back all sorts of painful memories.
4:10 a.m. Five minutes of my past going through my head, and tears begin to fall. How could I have been so stupid? *Interjection at 5:17 a.m. A child has just awoken. Awesome.* Anyway, blubbing away about my past, trying not to sniffle and wake up pneumonia-McGee.
5:00 a.m. After an hour of suffering in bed, I think I better get up and write it out before my heart explodes onto the bed, and subsequently the cat. Guess who'd have to clean up THAT mess in the morning? My first tattoo was the cover of ICP's Carnival of Carnage CD on my lower back when I was barely 18 years old. It symbolizes the beginning of nearly a decade of extremely poor decision making that nearly destroyed my life. I'd been making poor decisions in regard to my choice of partners since I started dating at 15, but with the freedom that came with being an adult, those choices escalated to astronomically terrible proportions. With less than a handful of exceptions, it was abuse after abuse after abuse, and it was abuse I didn't even see. (Almost) no one was hitting me, so I wasn't living a Lifetime Original Movie, so I didn't classify it as abuse. There were three that did commit violence, and I walked away from those relationships immediately after one instance, thinking to myself, "Take that, Lifetime. I'm not stayin to be abused. I am a strong, intelligent woman. I KNOW what abuse is, and there's no excuse to throw a boot at my head and get away with it." All the while taking verbal and emotional abuse from man after man and not even recognizing what was happening. These men cheated, lied, stole from me, called me names that I hadn't earned, monitored my every move, listened to my phone calls, gave me the third degree if I was at the grocery store longer than they anticipated that I should be, threw away all of my makeup, took my money to pay their bills while I worked 2, 3 or even 4 jobs at a time as they did nothing, broke nearly all of my possessions, hacked into my e-mail and went through my text messages, and one threw a shot glass (missed me, sucker) hard enough to shatter through two panes of glass and destroy the sliding glass door to the balcony. That was one cold Philadelphia winter.
The longest term of these men was the worst. Four years on and off of abuse and accusations. I was making poor life decisions in other areas as well, working in an industry that no one should ever be subjected to, and because of those decisions, he had the ammunition to tear me down. At this time in my life, I truly believed that I deserved to be tracked like an animal, questioned by every move I made (You're wearing Chapstick! Who are you trying to impress? This isn't the bread you normally buy! Who were you with at the grocery store? You were clearly distracted!). Girlfriend, that bread was on SALE, and since I was the only one payin for food in that house...you can see where this is going. I had to pick up a third job so that I could afford the name brand items. Anyway, at the time, I felt my past (and present at that particular point) justified this treatment. The insults were deserved, and he was right, I wasn't ever going to find anyone better, no one else was going to want me, not with my past. Even when I tried to remedy them, he had me convinced that they would haunt me forever (and he may be right about that). He had me convinced that *I* was the problem in our relationship, and I needed therapy.
So, I went to therapy. They didn't pick up on the autism. They shoved antidepressants down my throat (how about advising me to leave this jackwagon?), and then anti-anxiety pills, and then sleep aids for the insomnia that the anti-whatsits caused. It wasn't long before I was addicted to the sleeping pills. Anything to get me away from the verbal and emotional barrage of insults that I was receiving whenever this man was in my presence. Soon I was mixing alcohol with Nyquil, Remeron, Lunesta, Unisom and anything the doc or the shelf at Kroger could throw at me.
As it is, I finally left this guy in Tennessee and moved back home to Indy. As I was deciding to come off all of the pills, I met and began dating a very nice and wonderful man (cheers, Matt), that I wasn't ready for. I didn't wanna mess up a good thing, so I dropped my pills cold turkey, and then proceeded to royally mess up a good thing. On our second or third date, we'd gone to see a movie and had a great time and gone back to his house to chat around the kitchen table. I began to experience withdrawals sitting there. I got very sick and very confused, and I didn't know where I was. He and his mother were coworkers of mine at a job I hadn't been at for very long, in an office full of chatty, gossipy women (save for Matt), and I was having a drug withdrawal meltdown in their kitchen. Matt, of course, had no idea what was going on, as my sleeping pill addiction wasn't exactly something that I was forthcoming about upon our meeting or our first date. To him, I'm sure it looked as though I was on some sort of hard substance. Sniffing glue or something. He had to drive me home. I tried to jump out of the moving vehicle on 465. I think I thought we had reached our destination. It was one of the single most embarrassing moments of my life. After a few days of hard withdrawal (that ain't pretty. I didn't even know that my insides could BE that color.) I explained the situation to Matt, and he actually still chose to date me. Good guy, what did I tell ya? I messed it up anyway. I was still too broken from my previous situation and had it in my head that I was inferior. This man was way too good for me, and he always would be, so I left him. And I went back to Tennessee to endure another year of emotional barrage from Douchebag Supreme.
There was a night, someone's birthday party. I wasn't invited because "My friends don't like you" (they had met me once, briefly, as I was coming in from one job to get ready to go to another as they were playing a game in our living room). Anyway, DB Supreme went out and got trashed enough that his friends had to call me to come get him on their way back from some club. He had them stop the car so he could vomit and refused to get back in. The police were there when I arrived (at 4 a.m. on a work day), as he was desecrating some property with several bodily fluids, and I assured them that I would take him home and put him to bed and he wouldn't be any more trouble. He made a liar out of me. At the entrance to the apartment building, as I was punching in the gate code, he jumped out of the car and ran into the bushes and laid down there and tried to sleep. I had to drag him back to the car (where he promptly vomited in my brand new Yaris). When we got home, I put him into bed, got him a bucket and some water, and was promptly kicked out of the room and forced to sleep on the couch because "you aren't allowed to see me like this." Eff you, too, buddy, so I went downstairs. One thing led to another, and it ended with him throwing a steel-toed boot at my head. His aim was bad, and he missed, but I was all (in my head) "OMG abuse! I'm being abused! Get out! Lifetime says I'm stupid if I stay! I don't wanna be stupid!"
I did leave, and I never looked back, and I'm glad the act of violence occurred. Had it not, I would likely still be there, not recognizing all of the other behavior as abusive and still feeling as though I deserved everything he was dishing out. I moved back home for good, and I'd like to say my problems ended there, but they didn't. I was, after all, still broken, and at this point, still undiagnosed with the REAL problem. That story, however, is for another day. There is a happy ending, clearly, as all of this nonsense ends with Hacky McHackerson in there, the love of my life.
6:08 a.m. I've been typing a long time. I don't think I can sleep, though, still. I think I'll go make the Big Man's lunch for the day and get my to-do list made. Perhaps outline that research paper before the kids get up.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
NEW POSTY POST!!!! 5 MINUTES AFTER THE LAST!
This post is total spam. No lie. I am totally in love with SwagBucks and I need your referral bucks, dangit.
This is a story all about how
I paid for my honeymoon right about now
My girl Alisha put out a referral code for Swagbucks.com
Where I can earn free Southwest gift cards, somethin that rights with .com
Anyway, so I was all "yeah, right, done these get paid to read e-mail crap before and earned like 30 bucks a year, blah blah". But I clicked it anyway, and I am all excited because I have been using it for only like 5 days, for about an hour a day or something and have already earned enough Swagbucks to get prizes. I got 30 for signing up, and then someone did a referral for my little link, and I get the same number they get, and then I got like 53 for downloading the toolbar thing, and then 3 or 4 times a day, if I search for stuff on the internet using the toolbar, I earn some. They just pop up all exciting, and they're like YAY, HERE ARE 11 SWAGBUCKS FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU SEARCHED WITH OUR SEARCH ENGINE!
Also, you get one for doing a poll each day, and one for clicking through a no-obligation special offer thing, and then I got a bunch for clicking the special offer tab and downloading a useful weather app on my desktop, since I go to weather.com 389 times a day anyway, and then there are surveys that get you bucks, and then you can watch videos and get bucks. They are seriously adding up really fast, but they add up faster if you have referrals (who actually use it. I have a referral who has 0 bucks and earns me nothing, pffffff). Anyway, so here's my spammy mcspam spam post, and here's my referral link so that I can earn my honeymoon for free because Southwest flight gift cards are one of the prizes, and you can get 50 dollars off a flight for every 5200 Swagbucks. I've earned 1030 in five days, so I can earn about one gift card a month at my current rate, but our flight is 600 dollars, and if I have referrals that use the SwagBucks, then I think I can earn fast enough to get 2 or 3 a month, and then our honeymoon would be paid for and we wouldn't be so stressy (appeal to pity fallacy. Learned it in my logic class this semester.)
<a target="_top" href="http://swagbucks.com/refer/kbaum1608"><img alt="Search & Win" title="Search & Win" border="0" src="http://prodegebanners.sitegrip.com/images/swagbucks-173x63Alt5.jpg"></a>
I don't know if that will work, since I'm trying to post a banner. If it doesn't, then try clicking me.
This is a story all about how
I paid for my honeymoon right about now
My girl Alisha put out a referral code for Swagbucks.com
Where I can earn free Southwest gift cards, somethin that rights with .com
Anyway, so I was all "yeah, right, done these get paid to read e-mail crap before and earned like 30 bucks a year, blah blah". But I clicked it anyway, and I am all excited because I have been using it for only like 5 days, for about an hour a day or something and have already earned enough Swagbucks to get prizes. I got 30 for signing up, and then someone did a referral for my little link, and I get the same number they get, and then I got like 53 for downloading the toolbar thing, and then 3 or 4 times a day, if I search for stuff on the internet using the toolbar, I earn some. They just pop up all exciting, and they're like YAY, HERE ARE 11 SWAGBUCKS FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU SEARCHED WITH OUR SEARCH ENGINE!
Also, you get one for doing a poll each day, and one for clicking through a no-obligation special offer thing, and then I got a bunch for clicking the special offer tab and downloading a useful weather app on my desktop, since I go to weather.com 389 times a day anyway, and then there are surveys that get you bucks, and then you can watch videos and get bucks. They are seriously adding up really fast, but they add up faster if you have referrals (who actually use it. I have a referral who has 0 bucks and earns me nothing, pffffff). Anyway, so here's my spammy mcspam spam post, and here's my referral link so that I can earn my honeymoon for free because Southwest flight gift cards are one of the prizes, and you can get 50 dollars off a flight for every 5200 Swagbucks. I've earned 1030 in five days, so I can earn about one gift card a month at my current rate, but our flight is 600 dollars, and if I have referrals that use the SwagBucks, then I think I can earn fast enough to get 2 or 3 a month, and then our honeymoon would be paid for and we wouldn't be so stressy (appeal to pity fallacy. Learned it in my logic class this semester.)
<a target="_top" href="http://swagbucks.com/refer/kbaum1608"><img alt="Search & Win" title="Search & Win" border="0" src="http://prodegebanners.sitegrip.com/images/swagbucks-173x63Alt5.jpg"></a>
I don't know if that will work, since I'm trying to post a banner. If it doesn't, then try clicking me.
