Those Oddball Attachment Parents

So, this horrid Time magazine cover has spotlighted two things.  One, the mommy wars, so eff them for that.  “Are You Mom Enough?”  Yes.  Thanks.  I don’t even have to read your stupid article to know that I am.  I won’t be reading it, as it is, as something as ridiculous as that will certainly not earn any of my money.  The second spotlight, and what the article pretends to be about when it is really about sensationalism, is attachment parenting.  That’s what this Snoop Bloggy Blog is going to be about.  Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, etc.  All are signs that you are an attachment parent.

So, when we got pregnant I had lots of ideas for my labor and delivery and how we were gonna feed the baby, etc.   Turns out, we’re kinda attachment parents, by frugality and convenience really.  Now, I had heard the term before, but I have never read anything about it.  I’d never heard of Dr. Sears, and I still haven’t read anything he’s ever written.  I had heard of and read Dr. Laura.  Off topic, but eff that snooty mcsnootsnoot.

Attachment parenting is the subject of much ridicule.  I was unaware of this.   Because…why?  This makes no sense to me.  I’m gonna breastfeed this kid.  Why does that mean I get ridiculed?  Formula is expensive, dudes!  Breastfeeding is like the ultimate extreme couponing but without the hoarding.  Er…scratch that.  Ask me again when I’m engorged and nowhere near a baby or a pump.  I’ll be all BREAST MILK HOARDERS!  TONIGHT ON TLC.  Anyway, there hasn’t been much discussion from people about this other than my husband and my doctor saying, “Hey, how you gonna feed the bot?” and me responding, “Through these AMAZING boobs!”

Apparently, though, once I actually start feeding my kid, in real life, instead of just talking about it, I will get points and stares.  The heck?  This makes NO sense to me.  I will also get points and stares if the kid is crying and I DON’T feed it, because, “Hey, shut that kid up.”  Oh, man, I didn’t even know she was cryin, dude!  Thanks for pointing that out!  Lemme go ahead and duct tape her mouth for your convenience, since I’ll get even more rude comments if I actually FEED her.

Ok, ok, fine, I understand about some of the ridicule or why there is ridicule.  Breastfeeding makes others uncomfortable.  Not my problem, really, and I’ll feed the bot whenever or wherever he’s hungry if he’s with me, but I do see the other side of the coin as to WHY there is “debate” about this.  I also wanna breastfeed the bot until at least a year old and then slow weaning at nighttimes until maybe 2 or so, because this LINKY LINK!    

It’s from the American Academy of Pediatrics, so not one doctor trying to sell a book but lots of doctors who are peer-reviewed and have different ideas about stuff.  Scientists, not sensationalists.  It says breastfeeding to a year is preferred, so I’ma do that.  Big kids attached at the boob is debatable, too.  I don’t care, really.  I’m not gonna take pictures and put it on the internet, but I’m gonna do what I think is best for the bot.  Still, I get why people talk about it.  It’s not the norm in the US.  Whatever.

What I DON’T understand a debate about is babywearing.  I had no idea this was so controversial.  I still don’t understand WHY it is so controversial.  I bought a sling and a Baby Bjorn and a hip carrier.  I registered for a Moby wrap.  I didn’t know this was weird or not normal.  Hell, the picture on the Baby Bjorn of a dude wearing the baby looks like it was taken in 1982.  (Note to manufacturer.  Maybe it’s time for an update, hmmm?)  Then a post popped up on my mom’s site about people getting stares and points for wearing the baby.  Wha?  Then a friend was discussing the ridiculous Time cover on her Facebook page, and someone replied with “whole insane goddamn sling thing”.  Uh, double WHA??  Wearing a baby is “insane?”  I’m gonna do it because have you ever lugged that danged, heavy-ass pumpkin seat around with you wherever you went?  It seems so much easier to just pop the kid in a carrier, and you can be hands free, right?  I cannot even remotely find the logic in thinking that people who wear a baby are weird or that it’s an insane thing to do.  There was no explanation as to WHY it is insane.  Just that it is.  Can someone explain this to me?  It just seems so…convenient!  Kid in a backpack, instead of bicep curls with the baby seat walkin through the mall and trying to figure out the crazy travel stroller thing while the kid screams in the back of the car because you’re out of her line of sight for 30 seconds while you unfold the thing.  I thought I was gonna wear this baby in order to KEEP my sanity. 

Also, been practicing with the cat.  The tail has been a problem, but I think the wiggle factor is about right.

 

I don’t have anything to say about co-sleeping.  I’m not putting my baby in my bed.  Though, the bot will be NEXT to the bed in a pack and play with a raised bassinet attachment.  Again, convenient.  I can just slouch on over there, put him in the sling and shove a boob in his mouth at 3 a.m.

I’m WEIRD?  Huh.  Well, putting a cat in the sling IS weird, but in general.  I mean, I’ve never pointed and stared at a kid breastfeeding or being fed formula, or in a baby wrap, or in a stroller.  I don’t plan on starting either, now that I know that some of these practices are abnormal, apparently.  This all just seems so strange to me.  I always assumed that we were all doing the best we could with what our guts told us to do.  That we were ALL “mom enough.”