Saturday, September 1, 2012

Life From the Exhausted Mother

I haven't written a blog in a long time.  Reason?  Writer's block a little and a lot of exhaustion.  There just aren't enough hours in the day.  My calendar looks like this:

See?  When would I have time to do any bloggy blogging?  Today is crazy, too, but I gotta get off of my feet, so here's some random funny and some baby news.

This morning, the dudes were playing Star Wars in the basement.  I got Big Man a Luke Skywalker costume, though he informed me that it is really Obi Wan.  Whatever.  He looks awesome in it.  I got Little Man a Darth Vader costume.  It is five sizes too big.  They were used, and continue to be used, every day since I've bought them, so WIN!

Anyway, they were playing, and Little Man was using this miniature basketball for something.  Big Man took it and wouldn't give it back.  Here is Little Man's reaction:

"Nooooooooooooo!!!! GIVE IT BACK!!!!!  Fine!  I'm telling Yoda!  AND I'm not playing Jedi with you anymore!  I'm finding a NEW master, and HE will let me have a ball WHENEVER I WANT!!!"

Haaaaaaahahahhahahahha!!!  Then I decided *I* was the new master, and the dudes should put their laundry away and clean their bathrooms and scoop the cat litter.  They did so very quickly and without complaint.  I used the force.  If by "using the force," I mean Eric told them that if they did it super fast, then they could play Halo.

In baby news, there's a lot of baby news.  I'm 34-1/2 weeks and experiencing new things every day.  On the diabetes front, I suck.  I could not keep my sugars controlled with the diet the nutritionist gave me, so we switched it around a couple of days ago.  Things have been going better, although not perfect, since then.  My doctor doesn't wanna do insulin, yet, so that's good.  Needles.  *shudder*  I'm sick of poking myself four times a day.

I'm also sick of not being able to eat what I want.  Changing my diet has always been really difficult for me, though I found it easier to "stick with it" since I have to be strong for the Bot.  I'm not just trying to lose weight or something.  I'm trying to keep her healthy.  The second she's born I'm going to have to look at Eric and say, "Congratulations, Daddy!  Now get thee to Starbucks immediately for a pumpkin spice latte, and by the way, a cupcake from Le Dolce Vita and a Big Mouth sushi special from Sapporo needs to be on the way, too!"

Trying to keep her healthy means flu shot for mama, too.  I've never had one.  Needle.  Ugh.  I get the death sick every year, though, and I'm sure this year will be no exception.  The dudes are already bringing nastiness back from the germ factory that is elementary school.  Coughing, sneezing, and poison ivy all around!

Contractions.  My stomach is rock hard, and I can feel her head in my nether bits.  These are weird and odd things.  I've been having them for weeks, but now they are stronger and more frequent.  Not frequent enough to be considered preterm labor, but strong and frequent enough to be considered more than a minor annoyance.  I hope they give me abs.  That would be awesome.  It certainly FEELS like they're workin my ab muscles.  I'll be the first woman in history to leave the hospital after giving birth with 6-pack abs.  I'll find some way to make a million dollars with the "prodromal labor" technique.  There will be a video.  And an infomercial.

I panicked about a week ago and was all, "OMGOSH WE ARE NOT PREPARED!!!"  I'm not scared of going into labor or giving birth anymore.  I think I've educated myself enough on them that I'm just all OOOOHM about it.  But, I'm TERRIFIED of when she is actually here.  I went all crazy like, "We have no crib! No dresser for her clothes!  No pack and play! No car seat! Not enough diapers!"  I went on a crazy spending spree.  We have all of those things now.  I acted like she was going to be here in the next few hours, and we'd have nothing.  I'm calm now, though.  I got better.

Eric's ex-wife text me yesterday and asked how I was feeling and if there was anything else I needed.  I was all cool as a cucumber calm and just, "Nope. We are totally prepared to the max, and I feel allllll riiiiight."  So she was all, "Great!  Pack your hospital bag!"


She told me what goes in there.  It's not that hard, Karen, you idiot.  Calm the eff down.

1 You Said What?:

Alex said...

yeah it really isn't. It's like a weekend away but you come back with a little person and leaky breasts and a sore foofa.